


Old Habits Die Hard

by TheRogueHuntress



Category: Die Hard (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Hermione Granger, Dark Comedy, Die Hard References, F/M, Humor, Post-Hogwarts, Romance, Terrorism, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 08:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14638287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRogueHuntress/pseuds/TheRogueHuntress
Summary: Hermione and Ron go on a date on Valentine's Day, and trouble comes their way.(Multiple Die Hard jokes are made.)





	Old Habits Die Hard

One Christmas, when Hermione had been at home instead of Hogwarts, her dad and she'd been watching late night Christmas TV. Dad had been drinking red wine and was half asleep, not really taking note of what had been playing.

"The ultimate Christmas movie," he mumbled when the opening credits to Die Hard began to play.

He'd likely forgotten that Hermione was in the room, and as they watched the movie together he only woke for the more compelling parts - men being thrown out of windows, strangled by chains, and the like.

Hermione had been strangely fascinated. She'd been fifteen at the time, old enough to understand that the upcoming war with Voldemort would be equally as bloody as the movie she was watching, and far darker.

When the movie had finished and Dad had woken properly, he'd looked a bit guilty.

"Don't tell your Mum I let you watch that - our secret," he'd said, and winked.

Hermione had snorted with laughter and promised not to tell. When her best friend spent most of his time trying to avoid being murdered, movies about hostage situations in a city on another continent was a far too abstract concept to worry or disturb her.

She had much more pressing issues to be worrying about.

* * *

"And this is a Muggle bar?" Ron asked, looking around with unashamed interest. "But, how do they make the lights do that?"

Hermione glanced at the multicoloured bulbs that pulsed with the music, stark against the black wood of the bar. "Magic," she said, and scoffed at Ron's incredulous expression. "It's science and technology, the Muggle equivalent."

"Cool," Ron said, his interest now moving onto the drinks menu. "What's… vodka?"

"Not for you!" Hermione exclaimed. She waved a bartender over. "Two Peronis, please."

Ron watched with silent fascination as their drinks were served. He took a cautious sip and nodded. "Nice. Like butterbeer… but not so buttery."

Hermione smiled fondly. "So, are you glad we decided to branch out somewhere new?"

"Yeah, course. It's Valentine's Day… girl's choice. Now, March the 14th…"

Hermione swatted him on the arm. "Don't be such a rascal," she said, but it was impossible to keep a straight face with Ron grinning like that.

She took a sip of her own drink just as some idiot barged into her. Beer spilled all down her top and onto the table they were sat at.

"Bugger." She gave the finger to the man who'd jolted her, but he wasn't paying attention, absorbed with his mobile phone. "What an wanker."

Ron looked furious, like he was thinking of starting a fight. She raised a brow, and he settled back into his seat with a frown.

"Face like a mandrake's arse," Ron muttered.

"I'm going to pop to the loo, try to dry this out," Hermione said. Her wand was strapped to her arm and she raised it meaningfully.

"Yeah, sure. I'll look after the drinks," Ron said.

Hermione made her way through the crowd, slipping into the dingy toilet at the back of the bar. Shutting herself into a cubicle, she muttered a few cleaning and drying spells.

Her blouse still needed a wash, but it would do for the evening.

A loud, shrill scream broke through the sound of the music that was playing in the bar. Moments later the music came to an abrupt stop. The screams grew, more voices adding to the noise, until they were silence by the sound of machine gun fire.

"Shit," Hermione mouthed to herself.

Someone burst into the bathroom, and Hermione scrambled for her wand, strapped back onto her arm.

"'Mione!"

It was Ron. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm here," she called, unlocking the cubicle door.

Ron appeared, a Disillusionment Charm dripping off him. "Thank Merlin you're alright."

"What's going on?" She'd finally got her wand free.

"Muggle fucking terrorists. They've got guns, and a line of hostages," Ron hissed. "It's not pretty."

Hermione bit her lip and exchanged a glance with him. "We could Apparate out."

"We could," Ron agreed. Neither of them did.

"We could help," she said cautiously. "We'll have to mind the Statute, but it's possible."

"Being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble," Ron said. He sound like he didn't believe himself, and a moment later he groaned in resignation. "Ah fuck. Old habits really do die hard."

Abruptly, Hermione remembered watching that movie with her father, all those years ago.

"Yippee ki-yay," she muttered.

A loud clatter outside the toilet made them jump into action. They both were Disillusioned and pressed up against the walls when one of the terrorists walked in.

"All clear," he said into a walkie-talkie after glancing about the room. He had a strong Irish accent and curly, ginger hair.

The moment he turned his back, Hermione stepped forward, wand raised. "Stupefy!"

Ron caught the man before he could collapse noisily to the floor.

"I'm beginning to wonder whether, maybe, we should have gone to Madam Puddifoots instead," he quipped.

"Ron, even death is preferable to Madam Puddifoots," Hermione said, striding forward to take the man's pulse.

Ron pretended to take a moment to think about it, before nodding solemnly. "You're right. That's the Guatemala Bay of cafes."

They both snorted with laughter.

"This is irresponsible!" Hermione hissed, and bit back her grin. She conjured some duct tape, and together they bound and gagged the man, laying him in recovery position in a cubicle.

"How many hostiles?" she said, and couldn't believe the words had left her mouth.

Ron cocked a brow. "About eight or nine."

"Seven or eight now," she corrected. "Let's go."

Ron walked out the bathroom, Disillusionment Charm falling over him once more. Hermione glanced down at the terrorist at her feet. Her mouth twitched; she couldn't help it.

"Welcome to the party, pal," she said, and followed Ron out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Fan Fiction: [The Lady Rogue](https://www.fanfiction.net/~theladyrogue) or tumblr: [TheRogueHuntress](https://theroguehuntress.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat, or feel free to comment!


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